it feel like yesterday was 2010 New Year celebration....

masa berlalu dengan pantas..

terlalu pantas..

mistakes..

to start anew..

a new chapter in our life..

the past life is hard..

we learn life in a hard way..

the same mistake should not happen again..

a new man

with a new chapter of his life..

it keeps me strong by just believing that 

but i am not going to stand there and wait for the miracle to happen..

enjoy your moment...

complete denial.....

maybe I'm just hoping for too much..

but shall we say that this is for good..

i mean

it is pretty scary..

very mind challenging..

although i may not show my feeling..

but i am indeed disappointed..

it is hard to swallow..

that is life for you...

feeling rejected is not the best feeling ever..

as for me

i am taking it as a new experience..

i had a taste of failure..

and i think that is good..

at least i learnt new things..

this is new

maybe we are just not meant to be..

as i am sincerely want to be friend with you..

that is the least thing that i can do..

when i think about it

but we live in reality..

Cinderalla is fantasy..

to think about it

 cheating and cheated on..

i mean

you have your partner 

you can say that i am pathetic

but seriously...

when you are in relationship you should commit to that relationship..

you are the one who want it..

so now 

in the bright side,

the dark side is that

that what so called as insecure will eat you alive..

it is common thing..

you will know that feeling...

to some of us, today is THE day

yeah..

I am talking about PMR result..

to the Straight A's students..

don't worry...

coincidently, a friend of mine did not get a good result..

and you guess it..

I do feel sorry for her...

a mind blowing..

not everybody can handle the pressure..

but hey..

this is the beginning of something big...

enough!!!

today you maybe on top of your game..

but the next day you will fall behind everyone...

trust me...

your family is not angry with you..

they just expect you to perform well...

but expectation is not easy to be fulfilled..

just be true to yourself..

next time you know what you should do...

and I mean it...

I am being grateful to god because I get good results..

but examination is just a test...

if you are a geek,

 then you are a loner..

with no social skills

and I mean real friends..

not all that computer stuff...

world has more to give...

we just have to be open with all the possibilities..

maybe with your result

you will be more grounded...

more aware of failure..

we just made it up...

we must use it in a good way...

i know it from the first day I entered High School..

failure is not an option..

as a child, I think it is our responsibilities to make them smile..

but am I smiling???

while deep inside me

all these pressure..

half of the day staying at tuition center..

i shall say that my high school life was full of BOOKS..

i did some thinking now..

what i did was wrong...

they were happy, but not me..

i was not happy...

with all restrictions..

i had this culture shock when I first entered college..

alone...

away from family..

no rules...

and I waste no time to have fun..

i am a lil bit of a wild child..

shhh!!!

but i say to myself that

and i will never cross it...

now my parents still nagging for me to get good results...

and I promise this to them

as they are the only one i have..

it is something amazing...

nothing seems to bother me..

yeah of course yesterday I had this

same like Anna Nicole Smith

*MAY HER BEAUTIFUL SOUL REST IN PEACE*

but when i hear this song

like literally..

and singing of course..

lol

i am shocked but relieved..

what song???

but I love the way Salamiah Hassan sing the song..

google it people!!!

i am happy...

smiling from ear to ear..

and I am doing it now..

see...

it is possible...

and i am started believing that...

but right now i have to just love myself..

i start to realize that the break up is not my fault..

it just fate..

it is simple...

let not make break up a big deal..

i mean, it just break up..

and i made a big mistake by effecting myself with all these break up thing..

and i am not even married or something..

that damn break up..

even though love made my love life miserable

but i made the wrong choices in life..

and i am not intended to the same in the future..

it just like 

i am that rabbit that will remember the trap..

bear that in your mind...

never let yourself allure again and again..

but it also lethal..

forget about yesterday...

forget about all that suffering..

forget about that so called dark phase..

right now..

in this moment...

for today..

it just mind game..

i just have to be myself

and live the life to the fullest..

yes

i tell myself...

why i never think of that before..

spouse does not mean another person..

that is so lame!!!

u can go for a date without any problem..

no one is waiting for you..

you do not have to report your activity.

permission is on you..

yeahh..

i can totally see myself buying presents for me!!!

haha...

don't you think so???

this is single...

just me and myself..

isn't that great..??

but as you know

it keep on spinning around

and I don't know until when this feeling will last..

damn it..!

haishhhh~

in my writing I am always said that I must be strong

but i can't help myself from being this hopeless creature..

i wish i have someone that i can talk to..

someone that can share my feeling with..

i have to admit

i am just a human being..

a loner..

and i wonder why can't I??

i am much good looking but why not me??

*sorry for being arrogant here

i mean god...

sure i am bad and i should be in santa's bad list

but hey even people in prison can have love..

and i am not even near to that damn prison!!!

darn it...

sure i have friends...

lots of them..

i just want to be loved..

is that difficult to do??

you know what??

i need Xanax now

when you want to talk to that someone..

you kinda left behind..

in my writing of course i look strong..

but deep inside there 

wanting to be loved..

with all that calls and messages..

find me someone..

i hope that person can just roll down in front of me..

and i said,

i am sick...

why there is no medicine for love??

geez that will make tons of money..

especially for people like me..

i know your feelings towards me..

i know it very well

but all i can say is

you say that you will heal me and I believe it..

to love someone..

and if i give you my love..

i know you will not wait for me..

i understand..

you always there for me..

you are not asking much from me..

that is so sweet..

because i am not perfect..

i am afraid to gambling again

i am afraid..

i am crying when you tell me you love me..

there is nothing wrong with you

it just me

this love is too much to handle..

wait until i am strong enough to gamble in love again...

strong enough not to cry..

where i need you all the way..

will you wait??

this heart will stay here for you..

i am not asking much..

because i am nobody..

someone who afraid of love..

afraid to cry..

all i have is this love..

love that makes me alive..

argue..

god keep me strong 

until i can stand again..

my life is dark..

afraid of something called love..

why all of us cry??

people always said that we should not cry..

if you decide to cry..

nothing wrong about that...

I don't understand why people are cynical towards tears..

we always think that crying is for losers...

a method shall i say...

to win the battle...

they did say that 

but what they don't know is that a fine man will cry when it is time for him to cry..

to show to the that we still have emotions...

somebody who will lead the world...

a joy that unite all human..

we must realize that we must stay together..

because we are not alone..

no such thing as this world is mine..

it is ours..

it is our job to make the Mother Nature happy..

but

arrogant human...

we are the soldiers of complete destruction..

we destroy everything..

we are selfish..

we don't know how to live together and be happy..

the only thing that we know is 

we only want ourselves to be the winner...

but why don't we all be the winner????

can we change the world weapon??

I don't know why the nations wanting to produce nuclear weapons..

they are fatal..

they said nuclear is for the best..

but nuclear is the worst..

the effects are fatal..

nothing can escape the effect.

we can only suffer

and cry...

fate has it all..